Let’s leave. Leave behind all our unhappiness, I said to my heart. Leave behind all of our emptiness, I said to my eyes. Leave behind all that isn’t love, I said to my thoughts.
I think of all the times I have stood alone, in my mind, just to have a seat at the lunch table. I think of all the times when I have cried, in my sleep, just so that I could smile at familiar faces. I think of all of the times when I have screamed, covered by my pillow, just so that I could be the cool girl.
I ask myself, haven’t you have had enough? When will you stop looking at the world, at people, with love and fear? For these two just dont get along.
Isn’t it time to direct that love you give out, inwards? Why do I always love the wrong people, I once asked. She said, because you don’t love yourself enough. He said, love is an extinct phase. They said, love is a two way street.
Looking back now, I know that what love actually is, is an overused word.
Love is not some teenage movie, where the mean girl is hit by the bus and all good prevails. Love is not some 90s movie where the bad guy ends up with the good girl, and oh! what a happy ending.
It is when you get home, grab a bar of chocolate, and cry your eyes out, to a rerun of your favourite movie. Love is when you manage long distances and awkward time zones to talk to your friend. It is when you see his happy, wagging tail and feel the world tilt alright. It is in so many things we do, speak and feel. And yet, to us love still remains a mystery.
So, today I will leave behind everything that makes me feel a little less of the love I think I deserve. Today I will leave behind every fear that keeps me away from my own love. Today, I will leave behind every person who makes me feel a little less loved. For I am enough, more than enough. For a lifetime and more.